September 5, 2013 - Day 152
I nearly lost it at work today. I was sitting in a co-worker's office and admiring a beautiful picture of her 11 year old daughter dancing. It is one of those pictures that was just captured at the exact right moment and is really a piece of art. I started thinking about Bella and how much she loves to dance. I prayed that she will get to dance again - not just wiggle around but do the ballet and tap dancing that she longs to do. And I got sad that she cannot do those things right now. She wants to so badly. In spite of how well she is doing, I get mad sometimes. I really hate to admit it. I feel guilty for admitting it but I do get mad. I know there are so many people facing worse fates. There are so many moms who would give anything to be able to say that their child is improving little by little each day. I feel like less of a person for feeling sorry for myself and for my child's fate. I can't help it sometimes though.
Bella, on the other hand, is the poster child for optimism. She inspires me so much with her positive attitude. On Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, she went to school with only her walker! She was tired at the end of the days but still in a good mood. She took her wheelchair today because she was having foot pain. Good news on that: I discovered tonight that the pain is caused by carpet burns from crawling at home. I'm so relieved since that is an easy thing to fix and does not require a visit with the orthopedics specialist.
School is so good for Bella! She got 110 on her first spelling test! I've lost track already of how many AR tests she's taken (and gotten 100 on). She gets a book from the library almost every day and finishes a book every day or two. Her handwriting is not neat but it is legible and she has not needed to use the school computers yet (other than for the AR tests). Best of all, she's SO happy! That girl needed to have her mind challenged!
We haven't lined up any more home therapy sessions yet. Bella needs to get back into some physical therapy but I'm not sure how to work it into the schedule. She will go to Dell on Tuesdays beginning next week. School is essentially 8 hours of OT so I am less worried about that now.
My dear friend Elaine gave me a bottle of rose oil and suggested that I massage Bella with it and pray for healing. Every night for 4 months, I have massaged Bella's back with the rose oil while we pray together. I began to notice the knots in her shoulders getting worse and harder for me to break up so I decided to bring her to my chiropractor. I am a long-time believer in the benefits of chiropractics and Bella has felt immediate relief with her weekly adjustments. I think I can add in some professional massage now that she is less sensitive. I think I'll schedule a "couple's" massage and get my own knots worked on!
We continue to be overwhelmed by kinds words and prayers from friends near and far. The prayers are working. Thank you!
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